23 And I said unto him: Lord, the family and friends will amock at these things, because of my bweakness in writing; for Lord thou hast made me cmighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made me mighty in writing; for thou hast made all this people that they could speak much, because of the Holy Ghost which thou hast given them;
24 And thou hast made me that we could write but little, because of the aawkwardness of my hands. Behold, thou hast not made me mighty in bwriting like unto the brother of Jared, for thou madest him that the things which he cwrote were mighty even as thou art, unto the overpowering of man to read them.
25 Thou hast also made our words powerful and great, even that we acannot write them, for we lack computer time; wherefore, when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the family and friends shall cmock at my words.
26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying:aFools bmock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them theiraweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that d here. themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.
I know that these emails go on my blog so just remember that i have zero time and am already a bad... well everything when it comes to writing.
There was a lot that has gone on since last time. But something amazing happened yesterday so I want to really focus on that. So if you have more specific questions or inquires just shoot an email and let me know and i will try to get back to you in the next 18 months. but no promises.
We got our flight plans! sorry family i gave you previously incorrect info. So we leave the MTC on Sept 3 at 4:30 in the morning our first flight is to dallas on flight 1680 on american airlines at 8:40. we get to dallas at 12:20pm then take flight 70 to frankfurt at 3:55-8:30am. yeah it is a crazy long day and then we begin work as soon as we step off the plane. so hopefully working graves has prepared me well enough to know how to function on zero hours of sleep.
When We go this info last friday i was in denial about how really my commitment to serve a mission was now getting. I am going to be in Germany an ocean away from anything that is familiar to me and speaking/trying to understand a language that i dont know. woah.
life got real on sunday at devotional. We just happened to sit in front of an elder going to croatia who is from ... yeah you guessed it Frankfurt Germany. all my fello Deutscher sister were so excited and there i was about to hurl over with doubt, self frustration for not studying harder and well straight up stomach sickness. He talked to us and all i understood was he likes to run munchmal,sometimes. I was freaking out. not like a visible or even audible freakout but i was most definitely shutting down.
Thankfully Heavenly Father knows me and knew me in that moment. He sent a wonderful speaker for devotional.. Stephen B. Allen. He shared a great analogy. he was in the church building taking a drink of water from the fountain when this little boy comes up to take a drink to. Bro. Allen was done so he let go and the water in the other fountain that the 4-5year old boy was drinking from shot as sprayed water all over his face. baffled as to how this happened the boy just resumed drinking. seeing a great chance at entertainment Bro. Allen continued pushing and releasing the water fountain button repeating the splash in the face 7-8times!
He than related it to us. "Satan hates you. He wants you to quit all rightousness. This little boy even after the 8th time still had no idea who was causing him this trounble. Satan knows us. He knows our buttons and is pushing them over an over and over again. And the thing is we have know idea or at least we hardly give acknowledgement to the fact that it is Satan who is doing it with the goal of getting us to quit all our righteous doing and thinking an feeling. And we after our buttons are pushed will do just that. He said that the real power is when we can see our buttons being pushed and raise above the torment.
That knowledge helped me for a while. I ended sunday strong but i fell again when we got a letter explaining how are first two days in germany were going to go. and that with in the first 2 hours of landing after a crazy flight there we will be contacting on the streets. woah. i started to sink again. and i remained sunk the whole day. that night I stopped and relized my button was being pushed and that i had to not fall for the trick yet again. I read Ether 12 that night and again in the morning during work out time and Ether 12 is a great chapter i would suggest to you all to read it. it talks a great deal more than just the famous weekness into strength verse. 1. I read my mission verse
4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith,maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
There is not a passive hope one recieves but it is filled with action. My tuesday was off to a great start. 2. I was able to write down Elder Maynes poem that is life changing to a missionary that morning during personal study. 3. We had a lesson with karl and the lesson went good but even better I was able to see very clearly what we needed to do better to teach better. that kind of clearity nevery happens to me. 4. after lunch I got a surprise package in the mail from Wendy with pictures and letters and her talks she gave in sacrament. 5. we had class again with br. wegley. we read from the book of mormon and this is an amazing exercise for anyone. write down a question you have about ANYTHING. and read in the book of mormon ANY chapter. first begin with a prayer, have faith that you will find an answer then read. ANY chapters. and I know that if you have a sincere desire to find that answer, and you will do something with the answer after you find it. You will find exactly what you need in that chapter. even a war chapter. my question was How can I knowI've done all I can do? we read mosiah 11-12. my answer. If i am humvle and the Lord can work with and through me thats all i need to know and worry about. 6 we went to chior practice. my last one in the mtc. and we had a different dirctor than normal because it was his birthday. this sweet old man at the end of practice told as a tender story about a miracle in his life. him and his wife had always wanted to sing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir but due to one thing or another they could never do it. then his wife got alztimers and the dream was completely out the window. but one of his kids wrote a letter to the director and the letter stood out so at a rehersal practice they sat in the front row and since the wife couldnt climb the stairs members of the choir came down and stood around the two of them and they sang in the choir fulfilling a lifelong dream since courtship. 7. at tuesday devotional we knew that someone big was coming it was broadcast to other mtcs. we all thought it was holland because he was at the mtc on monday. but almost better in walks Elder Neil L. Andersen at our last devotional. An apostle of the Lord. 8. He spoke and reminded me why I am sacrificing so much. because of the love i have for Heavenly Father. and Jesus Christ and my family. 9. he gave this great quote to live by, "We sacrifice for the things we love, we love the things we sacrifice for." 10. all the musical numbers we sang were words i needed to hear and they were penitrated even deeper into my heart throught the music. 11. after we sang our closing song and had our closing prayer President Nally stood up and told us that there was a lightning storm and that we needed to wait before we left. The skys walking into the marriot center were blue. 12 because we had extra time Elder Andersen began walking around and shaking hands. He did half the people on the floor than came walking up the stairs of the choir. on My aisle! 13. He shook aisle after Aisle of missionaries hands. He was less than 10feet away from me. and I was overcome with his spirit and with His spirit. I couldnt control my emotions. I was silently crying at the sight of the Apostle. I knew with out doubt that that man was a man of God and that he was less than 10 feet away from me. It was probably the most powerful moment in all the mtc time i have had. 14. He turned around before he made it up to my row. but it didn't matter to me I had my witness and I didn't need a handshake to tell me otherwise. after a little while we were allowed to walk back. it was still raining well down poring really. and i was at home. this rain this surprise rain was from a Father in Heaven given as a gift to his struggling daughter. 15. walking home sis. lyons let me take my time. and i had to walk in giant parkinglot puddles but that day it didnt matter because i was wearing my shoes that didn't have fabric anywhere on them. 16. an elder standing next to me waiting to cross the street started to hum then sing " I'm singing in the rain" and that melted my heart. I knew i was being reminded that i was loved by having that piece of home with me there in the rain listining to him sing a very special song. 17.We went back to our german hall and had a ball with all our elders. 18. a great thing was everyone was dripping wet so i didnt even have to explain the tears i had shed in the love i was feeling.
In wendys talk she had mailed me she said this story: "There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "morning boys. How's the water?" after the two young fish swim on for a bit, one of them eventually looks over at the other and says, "what the heck is water?" the fish story points out that sometimes, the most obvious important realities are often the ones that are the hardest to see and talk about. an awareness of what is so real and essential so hidden in plain sight all around us all the time that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over " this is water this is water." I believe that the tender mercies of the Lord are the water that surrounds us constantly. If we are faithful and obedient than we will be made aware of them. and we may even find ourselves saying, "this is water this is water" "
I know that God knows me and loves me. He sends me tender mercies constantly without break. i have 18 big tender mercies in a single day and those were only the ones that i could see and had time to write about. I love this gospel. I love my Heavenly father. I am willing to sacrifice all i have for what i love the most. Even when satan is pushing my buttons. I say that testimony in the name of jesus christ amen.
Idont know when my next p-day will be or when i will be able to write next but i will keep yall informed. from today on if you do send me mail send it to germany. I wont get it in time if you send it here to the mtc. dear elders are different tho. also check the blog for the updated address. I love you all
bis next mal.
Sis. wadsworth
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