So I am really scatter brain today and had the hardest time trying to think of what i even did this week so please bear with me. Mama thank you sooo much for sending me my first package!! It was glorious! and super duper yummy. and all the schwesters and schwester fest loved it. I am all caught up on letter writing so any of you waiting on a letter from me know that it is in the mail.. that being said. It was a little light on the letters this week.... it was very sad.. and hard.. and when i saw others faces light up with delight as they ripped open their lovely letters from their family and friends who love them it was hard not to shed a tear upon my empty letter-free desk. If you are feeling pains of guilt or shame. good you should be. and know that they are there for a reason. 1 Nephi 16:2. ;)
Some funny thoughts really quick. I have a problem. With pens. Everyday I somehow manage to write all over myself. on my shirts and skirts my scalp and my hands are practically black with pen marks. I know that is such a "Sis. Missionary Problem" Other things we say are like "guys I cant decide what to wear gray or black". or "Mench(man) It is so hard to put on pants." haha and then there are times like last night when I leaned over the bed to tell Sis. Lyons my ah-ha moment of writing an email home is the same prossess of planing a lesson. She says something like, "You know what I just thought of... Theses springs on the bottom of your bed look like cow utters." Yeah Ich liebe Sis. Lyons meine Miterbiterin.
So here is a thought for you to chew on. Today marks my 4 weeks. yeah that's a whole month. I have the rest of this week then only one full day after that and then i leave... I get my flight plans I think on Friday so hopefully I am able to tell you guys the plans so you are by your phones on the day I fly out. please tell me who I should call. and seeing as i only have dads and my number memorized perhaps a phone number of someone elses if that's what you want.
That all being said we have finished all the grammar lessons that they had planned on teaching us. We are in the review stages of learning the language and I just want them to review it ALL. but when I think about it a little more I really have no worries about learning the language and understanding. I am not just being Polly I know it is hard. believe me I am very aware of the fact that I will not know what they are saying and i will most likely have to relearn everything that they taught me here in the field. But when I allow myself to, I know that the Spirit and God will make sure that I succeed. Its kommish to explain. but If i think about it for a long time than I have doubts but if I think about it for a long time I have faith. although the other day we had like a 10 min laugh session with Br. Luna over how awkward the first 5 mins of every lesson is. mostly because we don't know how to talk like humans. We knock on the door, "Wie giehts es Ihnen?" (how are you doing) "Gut! (good, because that is quite literally the only response I know how to say.) then we sit down..... lots of awkward silence and a few hundred desperate looks to our companions for help on what to say. and all that comes out is "Wie giehts?" He looks at us like really? you mean to ask me how am I doing since what the 2 seconds you asked me when you walked in? "ja ich bin gut." AWKWARD but all is good haha it gives us great laughing moments.
Our investigators have been really getting it. We had a lesson with Karl and you could feel that he was really wanting a change in his life. that he was really starting to get it and he was craving after the words. but we were hesitant and didn't ask him to set a goal of baptism to act on his faith. but at the next lesson we wanted to focus really hard on what we should do after we have that desire to know and to follow Christ. So after talking for a while we asked him and he said yes, when he knew of the truth for himself then he would act. Its was so amazing. it was a "auch so' (ah-ha moment) Missionaries have this image of forcing baptism on others, but that's not it at all. We never force. in fact if anything we are to hesitant. People have their choice and we understand that but they Want the peace and comfort and the happiness that the gospel offers. It is a conscious choice we all make every day when we wake up and begin making choices. yeah I took back my thoughts of Karl being a difficult investigator, we were just bad teachers and while we listened to the spirit's promptings we weren't acting on them and once we did that, so did Karl. Sept 20 is the goal he set for himself.
I have been having a reoccurring brain train for the past little bit. And I want to share it so hopefully I can make sense. The theme of it has been understanding the grandeur of God. We all have this most perfect prepared detailed life plan for us. God understands us because He has literally walked His own life and knows how it feels. He has had the experience we have had. I loved how dad put it in his letter to me. "well let me just say that its been hard to say good bye to the two of you in such rapid succession. we really hadnt had the time to even grasp saying good bye to you when before we knew it we were saying goodbye to Chachi. I have this mental image in my head of standing outside of the TSA security check point and watching you get smaller and smaller. we stayed and watched while they 'patted you down' or whatever they did and i held your mother trying to be brave for her. the law of consecration involved in a mission is not just for the missionary. i truly cannot understand how Father in Heaven endures holding his beloved Mother in heaven as she sends Her precious little ones off to be tested and tried. He is braver than me to do it for each and every one of us knowing that so many will be hurt, tried and tested and ultimately found wanting at the judgement day. i think that is one of the reasons that missionary work is SO vital. you and the closest of your 70,000 friends are out there trying to save some of Her precious little ones and because He loves Her so much He blesses all of you whenever He can to be successful. And of course it is more than a mental image that is floating around the old noggin', it is a memory. I was there and it was hard to say good-bye to you."
Now think about that... how amazing is it that our feelings are not arbitrary felt but that there is exact knowledge of how what we feel.
Next go watch the Mormon message on the current bush so my next thought makes sense. have you ever stared at an artist when they first start to draw. and as they begin you first have no idea what they are drawing but then as they continue you can see the image in your minds eye, and as they keep drawing you think to yourself they have to be almost down look how beautiful, but they just keep going and create something far far better than what you had ever thought about before. God does that with us. most of the time in our lives we cant even see what our goal is what the image is and once we do than we are constantly thinking we can see the finish the details. but when we LET god keep molding us he can make us some thing far beyond what we even know about.
I have more thoughts that i will have to hand write and have put on the blog but I was out of time a few minutes ago. I love you my family. I pray for you and truly have a deep wish that you can always feel the spirit in you lives.
until next time
Sister Wadsworth
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