So these are three links I'd like to share with y'all. The first is a transfer video made by our tech elders. I am in there very briefly but still that's me two days after I landed in Germany. The second link talks about our transfer. It was the largest that Germany has ever had, and projected to be the largest ever. There were over 100 transfers, and there is now 270 missionaries in our mission. ITS SO AWESOME! and the last is for all y'all that I added late to my emailing lists. It is the archive of my adventures thus far.
Hey Y'all Ich lebe immer noch!
So I lacked in writing last P-day. Munschmal so es das Lebens. We had a pretty intense P-day planned and I was bound in my email time more than normal and had other priorities than to send a mildly entertaining e-mail. Aber ich bin hier jetzt!
As of late I have really started to feel the responsibilities of a mission. I can't give a full description of what it is like because unless you know what it is like to feel a responsibility for the salvation of souls its hard to sound like a normal person and not like a baby who is complaining over nothing/ super dramatic. But since I have been out I have felt like I been in survival mode. I have been doing everything that I could to stay alive and not really taking time to see the big marathon but only doing little spouts of sprints. And like I said, lately it has started to sink into me what is really being asked of me everyday, day in and day out. I have been in a slight daze trying to comprehend what exactly is expected of my part. But I have been off to say the least these last few weeks.
I will start on Oct 7. On this Sunday was really when the realization hit that this was no longer survival mode, but that this pressure was going to last 15 more months. I began to trend on the downward slope of despair. That next Tuesday we had a District Meeting. The zone leaders planned this one. It was about Member Missionary work and it was awesome. but it wasn't their presentation that had me captivated. It was the spirit whispering to me. Elder Ruff was bearing his testimony of how he figured out the importance of working through the members and He said that 'It was through hours on my knees asking God what his purpose for me here in Germany was, that I began to see with the force of whirling winds that THIS (member missionary work, and knowing how to teach members how to use it) was what God wanted from me'. The power of his words was testament alone that God was willing to answer those that seeked. Another tender mercy I saw at DDM was Elder Jackson having taken D&C 100 and putting our names into them and personalizing the scriptures to us. It was so touching to me that he would feel inspired to do this and that it was what I had wanted to do for two weeks but had no time to. God works in mysterious ways. Anyway, DDM was a micro boast. Enough to get me on to the next day.
Right after DDM, we had our lunch with Sis. Burns. Sis. Prince wrote about it and did it so beautifully so here is her description:
"One of the adventures we had was with Sister Burns. She is from Brazil and recently learned English and is HILARIOUS! She wanted to take us out for lunch to one of her favorite eating joints.
Sister Burns |
We get in the car and suddenly she starts profusely apologizing for the wretched noise her car was making. She explained that it was just the breaks. I said, "Oh is your break pads worn down?" And she said, "Something like dat Sista" and she said it should be fine and it doesn't matter how long you drive on it. I told her the sound she was hearing was the metal break now on the metal wheel and if she kept driving on it, it would eventually be more expensive than just simply replacing the pad. She got instantly worried and said, "Oh noooo Sista" and missed the fact that all the cars ahead of her had come to a stop. She wasn't reacting fast enough and I could help but say, "Those cars are stopped!" And she slammed on the horrible breaks and the screeching of metal on metal. It was painful, but we stopped in time. She had seen my flinch and that Sister Wadsworth now was holding my hand in fear. She laughed her deep fun lovin' laugh, and said, "Relax Sista, I won't kill ya!"
We finally arrived at the Italian restaurant that was farther than we anticipated it to be. And it didn't seem to be anything too special. It was pretty dead with only one person who seemed to be working. We walked in to a bunch of people casually sitting around chatting as if they had finished eating hours previous. We walked in and the owner/cook came out and embraced Sister Burns like they were long lost siblings in the most Italian way possible. Me, being next in line, stuck my hand out sharply to avoid any confusion. We shook hands warmly and he pointed to my name tag and in his thick Italian accent said, "kirche?" (church) and we nodded. We sat down and I observed him as he bounced around to all the customers like they were life-long friends. Then he would bounce into the kitchen and was clearly the one-man-band of the joint. He brought out our food, and I can honestly say that I have NEVER had Italian like this before. It was potentially the best food I have ever had in Germany. Shocking. But, more impressive was his skill with instantly winning the hearts of his customers. Lined on his walls are thank you notes and awards from Generals and American flags that were hung over Iraq for him.
As I was rejoicing over my food, Sister Burns starting talking in her loud voice about beaches and the sand. This is the one word she can't quite get right and when over heard sounds like she is swearing. She is fully aware of her struggle with the pronouncing of this word and so I was trying to explain the long E and said, "Okay it is like the word eating. So what am I doing right now?" And she said, "Sista what are you eating about?" Then I said as I was taking another bite, "Perfect now just put a B in front of it." And she said in her penetrating loud voice, "Sista what are you beaching about?" of course her saying the wrong word. I practically snorted my pasta through my nose as we tried to calm the situation down between us laughing uncontrollably and Sister Burns repeating the word over and over. As the entire restaurant turns to look at us and the commotion.
I am struggling for air as she then says, "Sista you are all red! Huh. . .White people!" as she shakes her head back and forth with a grin on her face.
We are working with her and her husband to get to the temple. It has been a riot."
The next day, Wednesday, We went to Frankfurt... again. That makes for a total of 5 times in a 6 week transfer. But don't get me wrong. they are way fun days. This time we went up because sis. prince had an extra MLC meeting. So I chilled with the German Frankfurt sisters. Then made me speak German the whole day! It was pretty intense. But it helped show me that I haven't lost all the German that I have learned so that was encouraging.
Thursday into Friday we had another split with the German K-town sisters. It was me and Sis. Wilson for the day. It was sweet. Our first appointment was to go see Sis. Burns and teach her the Plan of Salvation. It was the first time that I had really truly taken the lead in a lesson. And it was the first time I had taught the PoS to someone outside the MTC. We watched this video here and went through the plan of life with little German prompts haha. It was so great, I of course could have done better but you can't really really go wrong when you are testifying that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and has a plan for us. There is great great power and comfort in knowing that. Sis. Burns brought up an interesting point though. We were talking about how in this time on Earth God lets us go through struggles and trails so that we can learn and grow. She then brought up the point that why should we take time to pray to Heavenly father. He has so much on his plate already. Why should we "bother" God? I think the real problem is not that we are "bothering God". We are His children. He wants to hear from us. If we don't take time to speak to Him the question is no longer going to be "Why should we 'bother' God?" It will be "Why bother with God?"
On Friday, Sis Wilson and I went to stop by a less active that we had previously tried to go by but didn't answer. We rang. Nothing. We were trying to write a note on the back of a conference talk (a tradition we have when people don't answer) when this lady yells at us from the fourth floor. All I knew about Sis. Westrich was that she was Asian. And here was this little Asian lady yelling at us, asking us who we were. I heard the buzz of the door to let us in, and at this point I wasn't even sure if we were going up to the right apartment. But we followed with faith. We get inside and she is this sweet lady maybe 50 and she lets us in. She apologizes for the mess and that she has nothing to offer us to eat or drink. (Everyone does that) and we start talking. We ask about her family, if she works, the weather. Then Sis. Wilson asks her why she has stopped coming to church. Sis. Westrich says, "oh you wouldn't believe me if I told you. You would think I am crazy" "No we won't. We'll believe you." And then it began. She turns into a whole new person. She goes off on how Heavenly Father wanted her to join His church but then He got angry at her for finding another man, and how now He allows Satan to stay in her house and burn her lips and hurt her chest every night. And how she will pray to "Heavenly" but that He hates her. "No, no, no I know what Heavenly is trying to do here. He is trying to get me back to his church, back to Mormon church but no. I won't. I go to Thailand and to the temple and have them wash the devil from me. That's the only way I can get away from him" She went on to talk about how she prays that God will tell Satan to leave, but He doesn't because He hates her. We tried telling her that God never hates his children. That He wants her to have peace and comfort. We told her how He had told us to come visit her today. She stopped. "really? He said that to you?"
"Yeah when we were making plans for today we felt like we should come visit you."
"Was that you who put the thing in my mail too?"
"A week ago, yes that was us"
"was that from God to?"
"Yes, Susan. God wanted us to come talk with you."
"I was going to stop the pain from Satan that day. I didn't see the point anymore but I saw that thing (the talk) and I thought I'd wait. Then you no know me and you come today, because God told you?"
"Yes, Susan. God wants you to be happy."
"No, God hates me. He never does good to me."
"Well he sent us to you didn't he? We can help you?"
"No, God no help me. He Hates me. He nice to you. But he hate me. He no answer my prayers. He hates me."
After continuing on for over an hour we needed to leave to catch our train. So we parted, promising that we would stop by next week just to talk with her. It was my first "golden moment" as Sis. Prince state. But it was more than just the shock of being with someone who is unstable. I had a realization of how often we too are confused like Sis. Westrich. So clearly, does God answer our prayers. Yet just as quickly as He does, do we insist that He isn't there. That He has forsaken us.
Papa, I got your Dear Elder. They get sent to the mission office. So I get them as then next time we go to Frankfurt. I got your letter on the trip we took with the Elders to get our visas. I posed the question to the Elders and my companion on the train that we were on breaking our fast. The question/ comment was something like, "as priesthood holders we are not only suppose to always be worthy to give blessings when asked for them, but also as directed offer priesthood blessings." I asked the Elders this question on what their thoughts were, and then Sis. Prince. I also asked the German Frankfurt sisters their thoughts the following week. The over ruling respond was that Priesthood Blessings are to be given, yes when directed. There is no really limit on when or how often they should be given if it was under the direction of the spirit. And it was at your letter that the idea that I needed a blessing came to my mind. And it was persistent. It was constant. I thought I was fixating but it felt good, so I humbled myself and heeded to the spirit. I had no real reason to ask for one, but I felt as though I should get one, almost as a preventative measure. It is hard to explain but that is what I felt, and after much much prayer. I asked Elder Jackson to give me a blessing. I am still trying to figure out why exactly. But I know that some of the things that He said to me have since kept me sane, and calm and comforted. It was hard to ask for one. And the blessing from the blessing is something that I have to actively look for, but it let me know that the Lord has accepted and will accept every ounce of my sacrifices.
Saturday Morning were transfer calls. It was crazy to think that there were over 250 missionaries on the same phone call at the same time. The two quotes I loved from president were:
"The past is to be learned from, but not to live in"
"Allow yourself to be transformed, not only informed"
We lost Elder Ruff and Elder Moeller. It was sad parting with them after having worked so closely with them. I really worry for next transfers when it is most likely that Elder Jackson will leave and I will very likely leave my dear Sis. Prince.
Story time:
So I am so not the perfect missionary. Here are two painfully embarrassing stories that I need to share so that at least someone can get joy out of them.
First, We went and ate at a members house this week. The Roylances. Who by the by were my first "missionary book" that I signed. the books that have all the missionaries names that have come to their house. Anyway I was asked to say the closing prayer. And I thanked the Reynolds family for having us over. doh! Thankfully I was quick to catch myself and thanked the Roylance family. It was a day full of firsts. First time signing the honorary book. First time praying for the wrong family.
Second, Ironically we have been working with the Reynolds with one of their sons friends family. The Hensleys. I had been playing phone tag with them and decided to leave a message. But I messed up the recording and had a panic moment, I remembered that sometimes at the end you can delete the message and start again. So thinking my skin was saved I asked Sis. Prince (while still leaving a message) if there is a way on German phones to delete a message. She looked at me with big eyes and shook her head. Panic. I awkwardly apologized for the horrible message I was leaving this non-member and soon to never be investigators phone and hung up. It was so awful that Sis. Prince couldn't even bring herself to make fun of me for it.
The next Sunday we had met with Sister Hudson. She was the lady that we went to visit with in Landstuhl with the Elders, then went hiking in the forest with the luggage. Anyway she is a sweet heart. This is what Sis. Prince wrote about our experience with her:
This is Sister Hamel and Sister Prince admiring the Landstuhl castle. |
"Our next adventure is this sweet lady named Sister Hudson. She isn't on our church records, but she found the elders number and decided to call it because she wants to straighten out her life. We weren't able to met with her all last week because she was sick, but we called her and set out an appointment for Sunday morning. We took the train out to Landstuhl and arrived at her apartment. As we met with her, she poured out her heart about the struggles she has been having like not having enough food and she mentioned that her apartment is always dirty because of all the foster/rescue cats she takes care of and that she can only vacuum half the rug at a time without having to sit down for an hour and take pain killers. She is slightly paralyzed and struggles to walk at the age of 61. We told her we would love to come and help her with her house this next week (aka today) and she resisted. I told her really that it would be our pleasure and that we actually are supposed to do four hours of service a week and that she would be giving us a service to let us serve her. And she agreed. After we met, we set up for someone to pick the three of us up and to take us to church. Sister Jacobs gave us a ride and once we started to walk into the church, Sister Hudson turned to me and said, "I haven't been to church in over ten years. It feels so right, and I feel warm all over." We sat down and I introduced her to the Bishop and she made some other friends. Then the talks began and Sister Hales gave a beautiful talk on hope. And it was like it was written for Sister Hudson who had just told us that she has no more hope and that she simply keeps going on with life. It was inspiring to see Sister Hudson be touched by the Spirit and feel of the hope we really do have in this life because of Jesus Christ."
Now we are up to the day that i flaked out on writing an email. Well that day we went to the castle in Landstuhl and then a pagan stone that is from 390 AD. I sent pictures. It was awesome.
This is the pagan stone that we went and saw after the castle |
I have discovered that Americans have no sense of time, or history. This stone has been dated back to 390AD. SOO cool |
The Castle guardian |
This week has been a lot of meetings for Sis. Prince. We need "Babysitters" because we aren't allowed to have two elders and two sisters meet together. So I normally have companionship study with our Elders. Sometimes, we plan together. Very often though I ask them what their life views are. It's perfect for an information gatherer such as myself.
The hills of Eulenbis |
We had a great less with Sis. Romero. She was baptized when she was 17 in Chile. She was living in quarters for Catholic Nuns and so she wasn't allowed to have a Book of Mormon. And she then moved to Japan and never had a chance to really learn and become strong in her faith. So it is like we are starting from square one with her. She has such a thirst for the gospel. She gave her first prayer to God at the end of our lesson with her and it brought me to tears and I felt the Spirit and the emotion so strongly even though it was in Spanish. It was amazing to see how she acted on her limited knowledge and faith but yet God blessed her instantly with more faith the second that she said amen. She told us that she felt good. She was feeling the Holy Ghost the very thing that she was craving to know.
We had a beautiful walk home from her village in Eulenbis.
It was great to think for the hour walk. I was rethinking of all the worries that I was having about what God wanted from me. Of how I wasn't a bother to Him. How I was accepted of Him and how he loved me. I prayed to God that night. Telling Him with all sincerity that I couldn't do this thing which He was asking me to do. I was no longer in survival mode I was in real life. How was I in all my inadequacies suppose to help others. Help them see that as their Father in Heaven He didn't hate them.
It was great to think for the hour walk. I was rethinking of all the worries that I was having about what God wanted from me. Of how I wasn't a bother to Him. How I was accepted of Him and how he loved me. I prayed to God that night. Telling Him with all sincerity that I couldn't do this thing which He was asking me to do. I was no longer in survival mode I was in real life. How was I in all my inadequacies suppose to help others. Help them see that as their Father in Heaven He didn't hate them.
I realized that it was simple. I can tell people that I know that prayers are answered. Because my prayers are answered every day. Every moment. I act in my faith and instantly do I get an added measure on. I know that I feel that. I can see that all these responsibilities are here so that I never forget it. Truly being humble We all know that we can not do it alone. That we need divine help.That we want His divine help. God loves us whether or not we think we deserve it. Are we going to stretch our testimony to grow it?
“We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask.”- President Thomas S. Monson.
I love you all and hope that this letter is giant enough to make up for my previous week of lacking.
Love,
Sister Wadsworth
This is the results of one very very sweet companion who was able to turn my whole week around with a simple gesture of writing words on a mirror. I love her so much, She is the best! |
Me and my goat friend :) |
Here is Sis. Princes letter of the rest of the week. just for entertainment purposes.
Dear Family and Friends,
You can't really see it but there was three soaking/ dripping towels worth of water on our floors. |
This week was crazy! Last preparation day I had we went and saw this ancient (300-400 AD) Pagan stone in the middle of the forest where they would perform sacrifices. Kinda creepy, but way cool at the same time. There was also this stream of water coming out of this giant tree's root system that was directly behind these two stones that water was anciently known to heal ailments of the eyes. We decided to drink some and it was the freshest water I have ever had!
This week I decided I had had enough with all the dishes in the kitchen. I keep the kitchen very clean and put away, but it only takes one busy day and not having enough time to do the dishes right then and there that the next day it piles up and then in one's day's time it is destroyed. So I started doing the dishes
and was going as fast as I could as to have a little time before bed that I could actually think instead of doing planning up to the last second. And so I was so focused and cruising through them all as my companion was drying and putting them away when I hear her tell me to turn off the water immediately! I turn around to see that we had a huge swimming pool of water on our floor, especially since our floor naturally sinks in to a bowl shape by the table. We then grabbed all our towels and started cleaning it up. It was everywhere. I took a look under the sink to see if I was going to be able to determine the problem. And sure enough I saw the problem! The hose from our cheap IKEA sink had come out of the wall and was pouring the water all over the floor as fast as the water was running! There is no seal or anything to keep the hose into the hole, so I pushed it back in with all my might and hopefully it doesn't happen again!
No exaggeration every single train we had to take, we caught by the skin of our teeth at a dead sprint! I can count at least 6 dead on sprints I ran to make trains. I about died with all the running in my adventure boots.
We then had a mini missionary for a day. Her name is Katie Morgan and she is 18 years old and wants to serve a mission. It was a crazy day. A bunch of appointments fell out and except one. We got flowers and rang the door bell. I heard the less active member, Sister Westrich, talk to us through the door and ask us who we were. I told her the Sister Missionaries. And then she told us in broken English and a thick Thai accent, "You should have called before." But, we could hear her unlocking the door. My companion had met with her while I was on a split and she looked over at me suddenly remembering that detail that Sister Westrich had requested. Then she lets us into her house that had a very distinct smell of spices. She welcomed us in with irritation in her voice. Her walls were covered with all kinds of papers and pictures both taken and drawn. There seemed to be no pattern or theme to the madness of the walls. We walked into her kitchen and on a round table stood 9 red roses one of which had started to wilt. She bid us to sit down and to eat some grapes that looked like they had been sitting there too long. All of us hesitated for a moment and she told us again to eat.
I grabbed a few, but Katie Morgan refused and told her she wasn't hungry. Sister Westrich closed the door behind her and stood in front of the door as we all sat there. I awkwardly waited for her to come sit down with us in the fourth chair, but it never happened. If I could describe Sister Westrich she is thin with an extended stomach and shorter black hair with thin Thai eyes. She was wearing a big coat and sandals. She seemed very uncomfortable and uneasy. We told her we got the flowers for her because she loves them. She then pointed out how her roses had lasted exactly 15 days. but the one is wilting. She resumed her spot in front of the door. My companion took the lead since she was the only one out of the three of us to have met with Sister Westrich before. She started talking about the beauty of the earth and how God created it for us so that we can be happy. I gave my testimony slowly as well to make sure she could understand us. I then said, "we have a scripture about this..." and she freaked out! She raised her voice and turned to my companion and said, "I told you I don't want to hear about God! He hates me! He is mean to me and it is too painful. Too painful. I told you no!" And I looked over at my companion as she made the same face that she had completely forgotten that important detail to relay to us.
She went off into a very confusing story about "him" and "he" which she would switch between talking about God, Satan, and most likely an abusive man. It was so sad to watch her pace around like a trapped animal with a wound that was never healed. The pain and sadness was so apparent and then she would switch to angry. At one point, she walked over to one of her drawers and pulled out two knives. I watched our mini missionary tense up in fear as she starts sharpening them on each other in front of us. We thought we might calm the situation by pulling out pictures of Jesus Christ to give her and that got her started again. I was thoroughly convinced she has mental problems and needs help, and I was sad that whatever happened to her convinced her that God hated her. We did end in a prayer of which Sister Westrich gave. She pleaded for forgiveness and love from God. We left all stunned what happened only in time to sprint to the train to get back to Kaiserslautern. It was interesting for me to be with an 18 year old for some significant time. It was really the first time that I have felt a significant age gap before. Anyone within five years of me has never seemed different to me whether they were older or younger. I have always felt like we were on the same page of maturity with slight differences. But this experience was more prominent to me that as life comes around it is through our experiences we are changed. I don't feel like 18 was all that long ago, but being around her was like a flash into the past of what I was like almost four years ago. It was interesting for me to see that I really have changed a lot even since my mission let alone high school. Trippy.
Other miracles this week, was after about 30 minutes of searching and saying a prayer, we finally found a house we were looking for.
We had an appointment with a lady who is a member, but her husband is not and they have a two year old little boy. The Strom family invited us over to have dinner and to teach them about Family Home Evening.
We were both so exhausted from the all that had happened that week and we said a prayer that we would have the energy to survive and be lively for the appointment. We had walked forever when we past this awesome farm and decided to take a break by taking the picture that is below. We hiked the huge hill to get to her house and right before they opened the door, I turned to my companion and muttered under my breath barely loud enough for her to hear it and split seconds before the door opened, "look like you are full of energy!" and the door swung open and with their little boy and the parents and we both simultaneously said, "yeah!!!!!" It was a way fun night and with the grace of God we had more than enough energy to get through it. We talked about prayer and made pretzels because that is where the shape comes. A monk used them to symbolize children praying since they used to put their hands on their shoulders to pray. At the end, we knelt in prayer as a family and the dad offered his first prayer!
Here is the sweet Strom family that we taught a family home evening to. They are soo fun! |
We taught another lady this week who was baptized when she was 17 in Chile. She was living in quarters for Catholic Nuns and so she wasn't allowed to have a Book of Mormon. And she then moved to Japan and never had a chance to really learn and become strong in her faith. So it is like we are starting from square one with her. She has such a thirst for the gospel. She gave her first prayer to God at the end of our lesson with her and it brought me to tears and I felt the Spirit and the emotion so strongly even though it was in Spanish.
I am so grateful for all my many blessings! I truly have so much and so much to share with others. Everyone is in need of spirituality. It is true that it is like a drought and so many thirst for the truth. We look and our world is full of confusing and detours leading down dark paths. There are so many opinions and thoughts swirling around. If we could just pause for a moment and realize there is so much more to life than what our earthy eyes can see. Like how my mother put it in her email to me this week., "I always love hearing Dad tell the story of your birth and how he has always been afraid to get in your way because of being afraid of God, which is why he did not take you to the Air Force orientation. We know that God has a plan for you and needs you to be here because He preserved you at your birth. Over the years I have taken care of many babies who were born with abruption. I have never seen a baby and mother outcome as good as ours with as significant as of an abruption as ours. You truly are a miracle and God has big plans for you. I remember your story about being in Jack's Valley and how God saw you in His story. This is God's world. We are His creation and we are in His story. Remember Never Be Afraid. There are 2 kinds of people in this world. People who are not afraid of God, but are afraid of everything else. And people who are afraid of God. To fear God is to have profound gratitude and respect for God and all we have been given. He is the creator of all we can see and all we cannot see. Anything we can see can be taken away - family members, homes, jobs, pets, etc God has told us to focus on what we cannot see. You cannot see the fact that God has your back. He has had your back from the first faint beat of your heart. My Tirzah, remember NEVER BE AFRAID."
I love you and pray for you often,
Sister Prince
So here are some more pictures and Sister Princes letter from last week that I missed. I am so thankful that she is more consistent than I am ;
This is my favorite area to date. Wolfstein is about a 40 minute train ride away and it so so awesome and beautiful! |
This is my favorite area to date. Wolfstein is about a 40 minute train ride away and it so so awesome and beautiful! |
This is my favorite area to date. Wolfstein is about a 40 minute train ride away and it so so awesome and beautiful! |
Here are the beautiful German Trees that are "on fire". I love them so much; I've forgotten how beautiful fall is since I have been living in the evergreen state. |
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