Liebe Familie und Freuden,
Last Sunday night, I was on my knees saying my nightly prayer when I felt like I needed to focus my thoughts and really ponder this week what it means to use the Atonement daily. I can say now that this thought was inspired and I was being impressed by the Spirit. I didn't really know what it meant to use the Atonement daily. I thought it meant to just repent every night. But it means so much more than that.
On Monday, I woke up fussy. Sometimes that happens. I am learning that I have a weakness of turning that bad attitude around quickly and not channeling it toward people. As a district we had pre-planned spending our p-day together, but I was fussy. I could tell that I was contributing a happy spirit to the group and I didn't like that I wasn't my normal self. But I wasn't sure what my problem was exactly. The way things turned out we had a small split with the German Sisters that night. Splits help me a lot. They remove me from my same old surroundings just enough that I can see how I really am and look at everything objectively.
Dienstag morning, we met with the Relief society presidency and talked about how the missionaries could help and support the women in the ward. After, we had a split with Sis. Baguley, ( the RS President) and we went to a members home. As we were visiting her we listened to her ups and downs the past few years and how she has had to go through radiation treatments for her cancer and how that affected her and her family. We shared with her a talk that my sister had shared with me in her email on Monday. As she was reading she began crying.
If we are offended and resentful, can we believe that He is bound to help us in our tragedies and disappointments? This scripture does not tell us how or when this commitment will be effective or realized, but His promise is real and binding. Our challenge is to endure. There will always be testings and trials along life’s paths. Heartaches and tragedies need not defeat us if we remember God’s promise.A worthwhile attitude for all of us could well be, “Help us, O Lord, to remember thy love for us and help us to be fortified by thy strength whenour eyes are blurred with tears of sorrow and our vision is limited.”It is expedient for all of us, particularly those who may be weighed down by grief because of acts of misconduct or misfortune, to recall that even the Prophet Joseph Smith had hours of despair because of his very trying experiences in the Liberty Jail. Perhaps he too was entitled to question,“What did I do wrong? What have I done to displease Thee, O Lord? Wherehave I failed? Why are the answers to my prayers and pleas withheld?” Inresponse to the feelings of his heart and mind he cried out:The reassuring response came:“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shallbe but a small moment;“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” (D&C 121:7–8.)The promise God gave to Joseph Smith is a promise for all of us: “If thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes,”
I was so touched in this moment, as I watched tears stream down her cheeks. I began to understand that she was using the Atonement daily. She was pulling strength from Him for every breath she took. She relied on Him to know that what was happening to her and what she was going through was going to be for her best in the end. I told her what my sister told me, "Trials do not mean that we are bad people. Trials do not necessarily mean that we are being punished. Sometimes a trial is just a trial. It's life. No one is immune to it, we all have to endure it in one form or another. AND enduring doesn't just mean surviving (Which I understood) But it doesn't mean we have to like it either. We are allowed to feel sad. We are allowed to grieve. It's possible to be sad about a situation and still be grateful for what we have. As long as we don't feel sorry for ourselves. Our attitude is what determines us enduring and us merely surviving. Do we see our trials as stumbling blocks or as stepping stones?"
After our split with Sister Baguley we went and did service on base in the post office. It was so much fun to throw boxes and help costumers. To be there with the Elders and the airmen was just a ball of fun. After we were dropped off at the church, we were walking home and I could tell that there was something off since p-day. So with much courage I went out of character and addressed the elephant in the room. We began opening up to one another and just being straight about what we were feeling. I thought that everything had naturally cleared up itself but it was obvious that that was not correct. I was standing there in our study room listening to Sis. Prince and I had a moment that was out of body. I could see myself tense up and become defensive, even over the things that I knew I was wrong in. It was very eye opening as I saw what the natural man does when it faces the fact that it is in the wrong. From that view of things, I tried with all my effort to listen to not only words but why they were being said. While I was still battling the inner monster the appears when taking correction I realized yet another way that we use the Atonement daily. As we are willing to listen and be humble. We see the bigger picture. We see the eternal perspective and the why of the words that people say. When we are humble as Christ was we see peoples pains and sorrows and gain a much deeper understanding and love of those around us. I want to make sure that this paragraph isn't poorly interpreted, Sis. Prince and I are like peanut butter and apples, while different we (cheesily) complete one another and jive together great! (Just to clarify.)
Wednesday morning we had District meeting. It was our first one since we have had Elder Larson as our district leader. It was differently formatted but very good still. We had Secret Santa after. That morning Sis. Prince and I realized that we hadn't bought our people gifts yet. So I said a prayer that in the 15 mins before we had to walk to the church that we would be able to find something. And bam! we did. We found two legit steins for 3 and 4 euro. They even came in a bag. It was a miracle! haha. Our appointments for the day had all fallen out. So we went home and caught up on our area book and other paperwork that we had been lacking on for the past three transfers. That night we did our official split with the sisters and I went to the German area for the rest of the night and the next day. It was fun to be on a split with Sister Wilson. We went to two appointments that day, traveling took alot of the time of our day up (the price of having a huge area and no car). We had about and hour and a half before we had to go to the church to switch back companions. Because of our weird schedule that day we had companionship study at night. It was probably one of my favorite study hours ever. Sis. Wilson and I read from the white handbook a word at a time. And then we studied what it meant to be diligent. And made a pack to recommit ourselves to be more diligent. It was interesting as we were talking about how horrible we were at this attribute and how we were going to change it, just how constructive the whole study was. It was after we accepted that this was a weak point in our character and that there was no judgement between the two of us that it was then that we felt motivated to change. It reminded me of another part of the talk from Elder Ashton; "Sometimes we spend so much time trying to determine what we did wrong in the past to deserve the unpleasant happenings of the moment that we fail to resolve the challenges of the present. Og Mandino wrote in hisbook The Greatest Miracle in the World, “If we lock ourselves in a prison of failure and self-pity, we are the only jailers … we have the only key to our freedom.” (New York: Frederick Fell Publishers, 1975, p. 61.) We can let ourselves out of such a prison by turning to the Lord for strength. With His help we can use our trials as stepping-stones. The keys are in our hands." What a thought! The keys to change and strength and peace are in our hands!
On Friday we had a packed day. We had two splits with two members and were really able to visit a lot of people. Given that Christmas was around the corner we talked a lot about what Christmas really means. Sis. Prince and I have seen all of the Christmas mormon messages so many times we have them memorized. Two of my favorite are this one and this one. Why did Christ come? Why did Heavenly Father give us His son? "For God so loved the world , that he gave his only begotten Son , that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." In the military scripture set it comes with a book "Principles of the Gospel" in it says."The Atonement is the supreme expression of our Heavenly Father’s love for us (see John 3:16). It is also the greatest expression of the Savior’s love for the Father and for us."
The Greatest Expression of Love.
And what do we give the Lord to show our expression of love? We only have one thing to give our Lord that He doesn't already have, our will. Does this eliminate our choice? No. But the very gift of the Atonement requires our all. It requires our natural man, our tendencies to believe that our way is the only way. It requires that we love ourselves and other for exactly where they are. Trials are not there to trip us up but to lift us up. My gift this Christmas is to Christ. It is my all and myself. I can give you all my most prized possesion. My testimony of Jesus Christ. That He was given to the world, He lived for the individual, and He died for me. I find strength beyond my own through Him. I serve here for Him. I love Him. And I close my witness of Him in His name, Jesus Christ, Amen.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas season! And can keep the spirit of CHRISTmas with you forever
Sister Wadsworth
ps. Here are some other thoughts that I had. :)
"If all our troubles were hung on a line, you would take yours and I would take mine."
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
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